So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
