im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
