Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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