pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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