Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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