someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
