Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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