just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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