Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
