If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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