For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
