I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
