peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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