im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
