we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
