Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
