dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
