How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
