Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to calm my uterus...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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