What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
