I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
