Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
