The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
