if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
