Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
