I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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