Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
