the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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