So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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