The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
