I think my vagina is haunted
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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