This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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