Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
