Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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