i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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