we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
