Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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