boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
