I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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