she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
