Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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