new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
