so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
