hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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