all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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