I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did you just send me my own nude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
