And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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