the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
