its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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