he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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