He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
